Riding the waves...

Ooh, it's late (for me), but it's about time I check in. Things are in flux, as is life ~ movement is in motion, motion is moving, I am swaying and swinging and riding the flow. There are demands of my time, and my own desires that I've put out there ~ and I'm just waiting for the two to gel, if they ever will! And if they don't, then I'm creating ways to consciously handle that in a joyful way, too.

I've been dealing on an emotional level with feelings of upset and sadness towards some people whom I feel are letting me down ~ and it's a growth experience, for sure. I've felt impatient and abandoned on one level. Why haven't they called me back? Why haven't they mentioned that Really Important Thing? Why haven't they responded to my email?? All of the whys can drive me nuts if I let them ~ the growth part comes from learning to let the questions go. I do what I do and others do what they do ~ the greatest thing I've learned so far in life is that I cannot control other people. I can only control myself and my reactions to other people. But it's not always easy! I wanna whine, I wanna say, #$%*! you for not responding to my email/phone call that took me an hour to compose! I need to go within and connect with my soul, with the infinite, with infinite time, and to trust the flow of the universe. To trust the timespace continuum of the infinite.

It reminds me of this one student I had ~ it was a small class, and she came late. When I asked her if she had any injuries or special conditions, she launched into a huge spiel about her hip and her shoulder and her father and her work and her this and her that ~ spewing negative energy everywhere, until I finally put a cap on it and smiled and walked away to start class. Throughout the class, she gave off so much negative energy that nobody wanted to be near her. Other students moved their mats away from her, and when it came time for Viparita Kirani (Legs Up The Wall), everybody else moved to the opposite wall. Then, for the remainder of class, she proceeded to do her own practice ~ not listening to any of my guided poses. Part of me felt offended ~ why the F did she even come to class if she wasn't going to practice with us? And part of me felt compassionate ~ maybe she didn't have anywhere to practice at home and this was her only escape. Her actions were distracting, but nothing detrimental to the class. I felt kind of annoyed and also kind of bad for her, but what could I do? Her energy was entirely self-absorbed and was sucking it away from everybody else in the class ~ is that a situation I could have helped, as a teacher? I mean, it was a VIBE, not so much an action. It was a FEELING, not so much anything specific that she was doing. I left the class feeling like there wasn't much I could do, and just hoping that the other students would understand. Because, you never know, maybe I was the only one feeling that way.

THAT, my friends, is how I've been feeling with these current questions, the unresolved emails and the looming, nebulous friend-fairies who are off exploring other worlds at the moment.

So many new things starting in March, so many things ending. Life in flux, just like beautiful ocean waves.